Tomorrow, I Will Try Again

Things are progressively getting worse. I feel myself deteriorating at a rate I cannot keep up with. It is almost like I am crashing from half a year of mania. I knew this was going to happen.

It always does. This explains why I’ve never completed or followed through with something until the end. I will be damned if it stands in my way of this. I will let it ride for now but I refuse to give up.

I am the one to blame for messing with the routine ofy medication. It was bound to happen. That makes this harder to accept. Once again, my fault. I knew I was riding the mania rollercoaster and I kept encouraging it. Pushing it. And now, I am breaking.

I got out of bed even though everything tried to convince me not too. I didn’t get far but I got up. The last thing I wanna do is shower but guess what? I am about to get in and scrub this funk off of me. Tomorrow is a new day. And I don’t know what it will present but what I do know is I am not laying down this time.

I will actively do the opposite of everything it wants me to do. I will smile even if I am forcing it. Bipolar may have control but I have medication that battles it. A simple solution to a permanent problem. Today I made huge strides in going against my illness. Not much was accomplished but I did enough.

This is something I should’ve prepared for but I’ve been too busy. I am learning that being too busy for my mental health gets me nowhere.

Tomorrow I have a chance. A chance to maintain better. A chance to care for myself.

To love myself.

And I will.

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